At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
