i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
