Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Randomize