dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
