all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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