Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
