Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
