You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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