What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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