i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
