Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
