Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
