sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize