Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
