So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
