Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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