i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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