I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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