Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
