Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
