He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize