Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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