I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
