If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
