how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
