I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
