I showed him my bush... on skype.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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