Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize