Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
