Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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