The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
