Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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