my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
birth control should be required to get into college
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
