Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
