theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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