Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
