i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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