I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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