It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
