Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
