Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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