My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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