i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
