and she was petting her beer can
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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