I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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