Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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