i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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