Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
are you so shy because you have an std?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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