your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
