3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
