I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
