all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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