if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
