I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
