maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize