i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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