i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
