Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
