She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
