I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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