Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
