Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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