im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
