Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
