I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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