If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
