Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
