threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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