I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
