You just made me feel so damn special
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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