ugly people sure do ruin things
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
