all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I touched a dick in church today
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
