I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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